My first novel was written in the first person. I’d say somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of my short stories are as well. For a lot of people, writing in the first person can be one of the most challenging ways to write. For others, it can be much easier than third person. For me, it depends on the story. I do find it easier than third person, and will often default to first person if there is only one point-of-view character. It is important, however, to pay attention to some of the common pitfalls of writing in the first person.
But in this post, I’m looking at a different type of problem I see in first person narratives, both in my own fiction and at Theme of Absence. This problem is in the dialogue, or more specifically, the way the dialogue and thoughts are presented.
Dialogue Tags
When a story is told from the first person, you can’t write the dialogue the same way you’d write it if it is told from the third person. For example, the phrase “I said” should be used sparingly in a first person narrative. In a third person narrative, the common phrases “he said” and “she said” are fine to help with the pacing of the story or to clarify who is speaking, but not in a first person story.
Why?
Well, think of it this way: In a first person story, the narrator is telling you the story. If someone is telling you a story, he’s not going to use dialogue tags after he says something. “‘Close the door,’ I said,” is something you’ll never hear the guy sitting next to you in the bar say.
Thought Bubbles
Perhaps even worse than said is the “thought tag.” You should never, ever write something like this: “Why did that happen? I thought.” Ugly, ugly, ugly. In a first person narrative, the entire story is showing what the narrator thinks. No observation or question from the narrator should end with “I thought”, as it’s totally unnecessary, completely redundant, and quite frankly, is just unrealistic prose.
There is light at the end of this short editing tunnel, at least. And that is that these two mistakes are easy to fix; just delete most instances of “I said”, or replace them with an action or description or whatever. Then hit ctrl-f and find every instance of “I thought” in your manuscript. Delete every one of them.
And that’s it. Writing in the first person can be fun and challenging at the same time. Just follow those two quick steps and keep your dialogue and narrative crisp, clean, and convincing.
What other problems have you seen in first person narratives? What do you do to fix it? Leave a comment and let us know!
This was very helpful, thank you.
You’re very welcome 🙂 Best of luck with your writing.
I am writing a new story in first person, and I acknowledge making some of the mistakes above. But I now know hat to do. I should like to share this with my readers be very soon too.
The first draft of my novel was full of this stuff and when reading though, I started to see the mistake. In a casual first person story, the narrative needs to be conversational and in a conversation, you’re not saying things like “I thought,” or “I said with a smile,” or whatever.
Happy this post can help you out and thanks for reading!
I understand where you are coming from with the dialogue tag comment. However, I as an editor and fiction instructor myself, I would have appreciated it more had you shared what to do INSTEAD. Novice writers are inundated with pithy blogs and memes about what NOT to do, but rarely are they provided with examples of what to do instead. That results in the mad deletion of taboo words and phrases–as opposed to an understanding of how to improve a sentence or bit of dialogue. So how about a note about dialogue beats or some alternative phrasing with examples? 🙂
Hope you don’t mind the suggestions…
Peace and good writing.
Hey, thanks for the feedback. I couldn’t agree more. I’d love to entertain a guest post on the topic if you’d be interested. Here’s a link to the submissions form: https://www.writegoodbooks.com/guests-posts/
Either way, I appreciate the feedback. Best of luck with your writing as well.
This isn’t my stumbling block. I am able to write dialogue in 3rd person. However, I do understand the whole no writing, I said. What about when they other people talk?
Okay, I’m narrator and I am giving my perspective but when I go on to say what others are saying it feel awkward.
I walked up to the small house, knocked on the small purplish door, arms filled with groceries. I yelled out a greeting, something silly like hello. The door swung open with a squeak and the old lady told me to leave with such anger I could feel the ground fall out from under me. The old lady looked as though she had just woken and suddenly she smiled brightly and said, “I’m so sorry I thought you were someone else”. I stepped back for a moment before replying,”Oh, that’s quite alright.”
——————
Okay, is that okay? The hello part is me telling you the reader what I said. Later I need to still include quotations. Right?
I started a story in 3rd but quickly realized I wasn’t able into the head of the main character very well. So, now I’m rewriting in 1st. I feel like dialogue is getting at me…..
I think what you’ve done in your sample is fine. “I said something silly like hello” wouldn’t need quotes for the reason you said. Your narrator is just telling the reader that he/she gave a generic greeting. Later, “Oh that’s quite all right” should be in quotes since it is a direct quote of what your narrator said. Hope that helps!
this was really helpful, and I have made a lots of these mistakes when i wrote for the first time. I am trying to rewrite my first novel and can’t move forward. I am even considering changing to 3rd person POV, as I have started finding it easier to narrate. Can you also help me about how to use actions & beats in first person narration? For instance, if the narrator is confused or something, can we say something like
I tilted my head to the side, “What do you mean?”
Or if they are amused,
I chuckled, shaking with mirth, “You are adorable.”. She gaped at me, floundering like a fish out of water, making me laugh harder.
Personally, I think the first one is kind of awkward that the second one, and it’s very frustrating.
it sounds awkward to me
I does sound like using third person POV would work better for you. It is a lot easier to convey the thoughts of the narrator that way.
From your example, “I titled my head to the side…” You are correct. That’s not something you should do with a first person narrator, because in “real life” that’s not how you would describe the actions you make to yourself. But “Bill tilted his head and asked ‘What do you mean?'” is perfectly acceptable.
I think your second example sounds a lot better, but maybe leave out that “shaking with mirth” part. “I chuckled. ‘You are adorable.'” don’t sound bad, and still conveys the emotions you are shooting for.
Hope that helps a little. Best of luck with your writing, and thanks for stopping by!
-Jason
if you use first person, for example… mike invited me to a party, he said… after he said do i have to quote?? what do i put? its first person right???
Good question. If your narrator is literally quoting how Mike invited her to the party, then yes. You would put what he said in quotes. For example:
Mike said “would you like to come to the party?”
But if you weren’t directly quoting him, you would not use quotes. For example:
Mike invited me to the party.
Hope that helps. Thanks for stopping by.